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Why I have no desire for relationships.

Discussion in 'Love and Attraction' started by KingAlexander, Jan 21, 2017.

  1. KingAlexander

    KingAlexander New Member Claimed IQ: 150+

    The reason I have no desire for relationships is because of the following reasons below.

    1. I am not compatible with anyone, unless I faked who I was.

    2. My imagination and thought processing would most likely leave my partner confused, as I can even manage to confuse myself sometimes.

    3. I have many, many, mental illnesses, and they would be too much for the other person,

    4. I'm an recluse, I love to be in my room alone, and I could not be alone in an relationship...

    5. Finally, it would not last, mainly because they'd most likely get frustrated, like most people around me with my lack of speaking and sociability.
    Moloch likes this.

  2. AguirresPriest

    AguirresPriest Well-Known Member IQ: 140+

    Welcome to the Forum, Alexander. :) You're not alone in having difficulty with relationships. Hope you have fun here.
    Artemisia, propianotuner and extr3me like this.
  3. awakenedmachine

    awakenedmachine Well-Known Member Claimed IQ: 130+

    1. There are some very unique people, like yourself. Don't be so quick to say "anyone". On the other hand they can be rare, so I'm not saying to hold your breath either. Try to focus on living for yourself, build your own life and if someone comes along that it works with, then great.

    2 & 3 There are some really amazing people out there, some who will take you completely for who you are, even celebrate your weaknesses, appreciate them as unique characteristics. I'm saying this from experience. Though I will say that it's essential from your end to be as positive as you can, to not just be a lump of emotional dead weight.

    4. Many people like to have a lot of space, maybe that person will too and it'll balance out? I'm in the early stages of dating someone who is like that. I like my space, she likes hers, it works out.

    5. See 2 & 3

    Oh and check out https://forums.psychcentral.com/ that might be a helpful place for you to hang out too.
    HLM and propianotuner like this.
  4. extr3me

    extr3me Well-Known Member Claimed IQ: 130+

    Hmmm... I'm with @awakenedmachine, and probably if you met someone you actually like, it may change your lifestyle, actually, you might even want to, we don't know, there are endless possibilities.
  5. Moloch

    Moloch Well-Known Member IQ: Over 150

    KingAlexander, are you happy with your current situation?
    Cornucopia and L.E. like this.
  6. Cornucopia

    Cornucopia Well-Known Member IQ: 140+

    Are you perhaps pondering male depression?
  7. Moloch

    Moloch Well-Known Member IQ: Over 150

    No, I am unsure whether his post is a statement of being. If he is ok with his situation then all the advice given to him is based upon the assumption that he is not ok with his situation. It is better to ask I think :)
  8. Cope

    Cope Member Claimed IQ: 140+

    I agree. I am unable to determine if you are wanting a change. I have a similar view to relationships yet I am quiet happy with it.
  9. marom

    marom Well-Known Member Claimed IQ: 140+

    stmt 3 - many mental illnesses ...
    I doubt that he's happy w/his situation. He might be happy alone, but that's only one aspect of his life.
  10. Moloch

    Moloch Well-Known Member IQ: Over 150

    Yes. I have two friends who live alone. One by choice, he has been damaged and not yet healed. The other I do not know the reason. Both have active social lives, and are friendly, but though happy alone they might wish otherwise.

    Still, it is hard to tell.
  11. KingAlexander

    KingAlexander New Member Claimed IQ: 150+

    I am happy the way I am, but also miserable, as is the curse of being human, I can't help to want to socialize
    e, but also be alone, it's an constant contradiction that leaves me bouncing back and forth between personalities.

    I never did fit in with other people, I was constantly harassed for it as well, And when I was younger, I wanted friends, but as I got older, I accepted loneliness and secluded myself.

    People, of all types, no matter what would not accept me, they always saw me as something different, some people referred to me as ignorant, and others refer to me as intelligent, if people really knew me, they'd know how much I despised both labels,

    I guess you can say I have depression, but it's just become another part of daily life along with other issues.

    In this picture I'm smiling, but I'm really grimacing, for disdain of my own self.

    Attached Files:

    Cornucopia likes this.
  12. marom

    marom Well-Known Member Claimed IQ: 140+

    You're a nice looking young fellow - but you do look depressed ... I can only urge you to seek treatment for your depression. Treatment would help you to feel better. Trust me, as a person who has suffered from depression for the better part of 40 years, I know. Treatment is better than no treatment. I went most of my life w/o and have gotten better only in the last few years with treatment. Otherwise, I was a complete basket case. Please get some treatment. Time passes very quickly, and you do not want to wake up in your late forties, wondering where all the time went. Better to get a handle on things now, while you are still young. Please.
    BK201, Moloch and Cornucopia like this.
  13. Cornucopia

    Cornucopia Well-Known Member IQ: 140+

    Sounds a bit like my past.

    This is the most dangerous aspect of depression. We accept it.

    I always blamed my surrounding for my depression. Never myself. With what little information you've disclosed this far, I'd say listen to Marom and get a treatment for it. Existence is so much more than suffering and solitude.
    Artemisia and BK201 like this.
  14. Zephirrus

    Zephirrus Active Member IQ: 140+

    I recommend you read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It explains how we often choose to blame others to preserve our ego, but which in the long run, prevents ourselves from improving our lives and our relationships with people. Most of the time, you have no control whatsoever on what other people do and/or think. It's but a waste of time to even try to change them. Alternatively, focus on what you can do yourself to improve your social life. If you find a conversation boring, instead of thinking to yourself that the person you're talking to is boring, ask yourself whether or not you brought up the right topics to talk about with this specific person.

    Of course, there are many cases in which the other person genuinely is to blame, but even then, it doesn't mean that there's nothing you could have done differently yourself. Although the other person might be completely wrong, blaming them will solely encourage them to overreact and try to justify themselves, often by blaming you back. Most won't comply and admit they're in the wrong once you've blamed them, even if deep down, they know you're entirely right.
    Petar likes this.
  15. Cornucopia

    Cornucopia Well-Known Member IQ: 140+

    You're absolutely right. But I wanted to point out that I did use past sense. Accepting reality, others and I suppose also myself as anything but perfect took me a lot of effort.
    Zephirrus likes this.
  16. Creedinger

    Creedinger Well-Known Member IQ: 120+

    To me your mien indicates scepticism and aloffness rather than a friendly smile. Think about maroms advice for counceling as this is really awesome to improve ones own situation and overcome borders in your head, which hold you back to get X.

    You can manage your social interaction with others to fit the phases you want to be alone.

    Do not let your bad experiences during your childhood or coming of age determine your opinion about people. You having being a target for mobbing does not indicate that you will be a target in the future.
    Have you been harassed by multiple groups of people or did the people harassing you share a connection (e.g. all from the same town or friends)? Shared interests can be a powerfull tool to get into environments in which a lot of conversation and action is predetermined by the interest.
  17. KimchiNinja

    KimchiNinja Well-Known Member IQ: 140+

    Big fan of aloofness. That's an impressive 11, and somewhat "Tobey Maguire-esque", who also does skeptical aloofness well.
  18. HLM

    HLM Active Member Claimed IQ: 150+

    There are many successful approaches to dealing with depression. Finding what's right for you can translate into a world of difference.

    Advice. Don't be afraid to be yourself, and don't feel like you have to apologize for being who you are. If you follow "Introverts are Awesome" on Facebook, you'll find a community of over 400,000 people who like being alone and a constant stream of daily affirmations to paradoxically let you know you're not alone on that front. You might be surprised by just how many relationships there are in this big old world consisting of two people who love being alone together.

    Recommended pep talk from Susan Cain: "The Power of Introverts"
    ARLaBaere likes this.
  19. Soud

    Soud Active Member Unclaimed IQ

    I do prefer being alone, but when forced to interact socially with others in places such as school, I often say what pleases the person that decided to talk to me, and then return to what I was doing - which usually is thinking.
    Knowing my reputation and opinions of peers about myself, It comes as quite easy.
    Friendship is quite beautiful. The trust one experiences between a long friend is .... reassuring.
    I have eventually found the courage to get out and "converse". They eventually stop bothering you.
    On the matter of a relationship of love, I know little of it - most likely to due segregation.. and my lack of experience.
  20. ARLaBaere

    ARLaBaere Active Member Claimed IQ: 150+

    I maintain that a lack of desire for relationships is acceptable. I disdain the lack of freedom in modern societies, where it is seen not always in law, but in private and group judgement. Poignancy is lost to those who mindlessly prattle and pointlessly create; the introvert should not forget his validness.

    The largest challenge in the scope of chosen solitude might be societal pressure. It is easy, and somewhat alluring, to become enamored in the ideal of wrongness- that the hermit must be altered and made whole. We are each alone, and the immense mistrust that results from this stigma might result in isolating the introvert even from those whom it wishes to befriend. The solution, then, is to disentangle oneself from this coercion. Be free, and be joyfully alone.

    Trust is broken and hollowed by aggressive propaganda, and I have wallowed for many years in my attempts to free myself. How might I face my own fears of persecution, unsupported? Effort, will, and a striving toward peace might accomplish this task. How might we battle a world in which the helpless layers of emptiness lead only to discontent?

    The social machine is loathsome, and its effects are slow to alter. Every thought and gesture transforms a culture, and we must contribute ours. Gathering in like-minded affairs, honing inner strength, and practicing mindfulness aids in emotional control and expression. True hope, clarity, and contentment can be found in solitude, when that introvert has shunned outer pressure to whatever degree is possible.
    Cornucopia likes this.

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